the possible exchange & the tightrope

Goodness, I can be (awfully) blunt - I might have just said this to a friend: 'Anyone that weighs the entirety of their happiness on such silly, fleeting [victory] is a fool.' The bluntness stemmed from being misinterpreted, from being made to feel irrational. It was a sort of peculiar reversal of gaslighting -- correct me if I'm using the term incorrectly -- instead of having others denounce my negative feeling as irrational, my positivity about exchange was downplayed in favour of what I apparently should've been feeling: disappointment in not getting my first preference for exchange.

Gosh, what a mixed introduction to my likely but tentative exchange university for 2014, the University of Geneva. It was my second preference, but goodness, am I happy with it. To even have the privilege of spending a year abroad is something that, in my mind, invalidates distaste about not getting one's first preference for exchange. Sure - I missed out on a prestigious Parisian political science institution, l'Institut d'Études Politiques de Paris a.k.a. Sciences Po, but so what? It'll still be an amazing first trip to Europe and, hell, the two countries are adjacent to each other. Thank goodness for landlocked countries.

In the eyes of the prospective exchange student, the hype or prestige of Sciences Po (and, arguably, other institutions as well) was inflated by over-romanticisation that snowballed grâce à word-of-mouth, so much so that, for some and admittedly me at a point, it suddenly dwarfed all other French exchange partners and even the appeal of the country itself.

If there is any reason to be bitter, a lot of my dear friends are headed to or are returning from Sciences Po. But heaven help me if I'm to think that jointly attending that institution will be the only opportunity to build upon our friendship. Besides, going alone (I'm unaware of others headed there at time of writing) will throw me out of my comfort zone. And hey, isn't that the point of exchange?

I most look forward to delving into the history of the Red Cross (are the first meeting places of the Red Cross still intact?) and satiating my craving for Lindt chocolate at the local factory.

Finally, the above image of the Maison International des Étudiants (International House of Students), where I could be staying, requires no words... except that the room costs 380 Swiss Francs = ~442 AUD per month. God help me.

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Part II: The tightrope

I just got off the phone with my maternal grandfather, whose memory is deteriorating. And despite our conversation, I still felt disconnected (no pun intended, seriously) from the man, not only on a linguistic level thanks to my terrible Cantonese, but also on a historical level. I'd like to know more about his life.

While I was one of my university's Orientation Week guides, a team member said that 'family is always the first to go' in the event of extra-curricular overcommitment. This irrelevance of family to university life seems to increase distance from family: I mean, why would one discuss one's family with other university students when some may see university as a sanctuary from familial pressure? University also sees some of us continue to shape our identities and distinguish ourselves from our respective families.

It's just tragic - in light of all this, I pledge to maintain frequent contact with family while I'm in Geneva. You can already tell that I'm going to be homesick for a period. I'll leave you with a quote from a book I bought recently:

The first chapter of the first section concludes with a question: what is your current work doing to you as a person - to your mind, character and relationships? I think I already knew the answer deep down before reading the book - but, of course, admitting it is a different thing...